Finally the day has come when I am no longer considered “pregnant”. I have to go back in two weeks for one final blood test just to make sure but totally ready to move on. It is so weird to feel joy and sadness all about the same thing. But that is the place I am in. My doc recommends waiting 3-6 months before trying again so we are going to take each month as it comes..pray..continue to be as healthy as possible and see what time frame God has for us. It is funny because my oldest thought that after all I have been through that I wouldn’t want to try again. But it is because of all I have been through that keeps me wanting more. Each pregnancy and child is such a blessing. The loss only makes those that stick even more precious.
Last week I shared my plan for moving forward and seeking balance towards health and food. Follow this link if you want to read that part first.
It is amazing how God can use a day.. or even a small moment.. to open your eyes to something. It has only been a few days since my previous post- but as soon as I posted that last one I started noticing things about my body that I should have picked up on earlier. Now I say “started noticing” but a more accurate term would be ignoring. I have just been so physically all over the place that I allowed them to slip by me until all at once I was at a full stop because I couldn’t ignore them anymore. It has been about 40 days since I added meat and dairy back in. A strict plant based diet is hard. I have always felt that. And I have always owned my all or nothing leaning toward the extreme part of my personality. My hope was that I could tweak my plant based diet to about 90-95% and that would keep me successful long term. Head over here to learn more about a wfpb diet.
I believe 100% in a plant based diet but somehow forgot MY reasons why. I have always suffered from allergies- seasonal and eczema. I have a sensitivity to lactose.. pretty severe one.. and have a crazy sensitive digestive system that brings on bloating, cramps, heartburn and acid indigestion. I suffer from tonsil stones and swollen glands year round. These- along with the diseases that run my family- were MY reasons I originally sought out a plant based lifestyle. Diabetes, dementia, kidney disease and obesity all run in my family and all of can be prevented through a plant based lifestyle.
In my season of loss- I wanted to blame something for what was happening. I’m human. The only thing I was doing differently than other people I know was eating a plant based diet. It was the only thing I could “control” so I ditched it. However- no matter the meat/dairy ratio I was eating I still didn’t feel great. My body lets me know real quick if something doesn’t compute. I just chocked it up to the ectopic.. or wanted to believe it was.. but the stuff that started popping up again had nothing to do with my ectopic.
My cravings for dairy, meat and junk food got worse instead of being satiated. I found that after eating a meat or dairy meal- no matter how healthy- my cravings for junkier versions of food skyrocketed. Instead of keeping me balanced my body went haywire and wanted more, more, more. I was craving Domino’s and Carl’s Jr and way too many sweets. My body hates all of those things. My tonsil stones came back with a vengeance and I had forgotten how bad I used to get them because it had been so long since I experienced it. My plant based diet actually cured me of them. But they came back.. and they are gross. My allergies and eczema got worse. I flare up in between my fingers, my knees, elbows and and my face. I always have some form of eczema in the winter and my skin reacts to products very easily. A plant based diet didn’t cure that- it just made it noticeably better and quicker to heal. My digestion got all out of whack. Now- I can have digestive issues on a vegan diet because there are some yummy super processed vegan junk foods. I have them worse with non-vegan and non plant based foods. All the reasons I started following a plant based in the first place came back. Nothing changed about how good of a diet it is for me. I was just in denial. I have been going through an emotional time.. and that’s ok. So even though in theory the 90/95% plant based/meat and dairy balance could work- it doesn’t work for me. I need boundaries. Moving forward I still plan to seek a balanced approach to my food- my balance of food will be 90-95% plant based still with the wiggle left room for some vegan treats or substitutions when we go out. My body just really thrives on a plant based diet. Over the last 10 days I have only had 1 non plant based meal and after only 4 days back on a fully whole foods plant based diet I can tell. I can feel it in my gut. My bloating and cramping are gone and the longer I stay focused the other symptoms will slowly disappear or lessen as well. My goal going forward is to work on my self discipline and make this lifestyle work for me long term. No good habit comes easy 🙂
For my balance towards health the hubby and I are hiking at least 3 times a week and I just signed up for a 30 day trial to Bull Dog yoga. I plan to add yoga in on the days we don’t hike. I am going to fuel my body with what is best for me. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says- Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.–
Life is a learning process. It is a journey that is ever changing and growing. I work towards being realistic and humble on my life journey. Being aware of when God is saying- stop, go, go back, listen, and be quiet. I also need to own that when I fail at something- I need to self evaluate and see what God is trying to teach me and listen to it. I struggle with self control in certain area’s so boundaries for me are absolutely necessary in those areas of my life. With my all or nothing personality- failing at a part of something drives me to just give up or start over at the opposite extreme. This is something I will always struggle with and work on. Knowing why I have this personality trait and being able to work on it from that viewpoint helps.
In the thanksgiving sermon our Pastor said that we have to listen to God, work through our struggles and give all glory to God. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy and I will lean into that, trust in God and pray without ceasing. I know I will grow more over the coming months as I continue on this healing journey and I look forward to that. This is a marathon not a sprint. ❤️